


We Are What We Become (I'm Far Away, Hold My Hand)

by Vendetta23



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Light Bondage, Light Bondage just up to chapter three, POV Judy, POV Nick, Past Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Romantic Friendship, Trust Issues, Trust Kink, but I'm not, i feel like i should be sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6330940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vendetta23/pseuds/Vendetta23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Zootopia things can change, Judy just has to convince Nick of that (or how to convince a stubborn fox that he is much more than it is believed him to be). Lots of fluff, angst, past dark demons, love, and light bondage, that are the things that pretty much keep me (and you, dear reader) alive (yes I know it) while they build themselves from the ground up.</p>
<p>(I'm gonna finish this for now. But I am looking foward to make it part of a series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Fox In Cop's Clothing

“WAKE UP! NOW!” her voice was as energetic as an atomic bomb shaking the brain between his ears, Nick pushed away his cellphone but still, somehow, her voice seemed to be leaving her carrot-avid mouth as if she was in his bedroom “YOU ARE FIVE MINUTES LATE FOR WORK, I HOPE YOU ARE ALMOST HERE” he still could hear her words crystal clear even if there was no little bunny on his room.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” his voice dragged out his throat trying to make up for the mistake he made by hitting too much the snooze button of his alarm clock. He knew he was going to pay dearly for being late on his first day off work on the ZPD, and, by that, he knew that _she_ was going to make him pay. Nick got on his feet as fast as any fox could be at 6 a.m. in the morning and stumbled on the clothes dropped on the floor until he got to his closet “I’m gonna be there in five” he hang up before she could say anything, giggling just from thinking how cutely mad she must be right then.

 The day really began to weigh on his shoulders when his fingertips scuffed on the dark blue outfit hanging among his fantasy-colored clothes, as soon as he touched it he felt a shivering sensation up and down his spine, he pulled his hand and stared at the green shirt he wore almost everyday for twelve years. _*sigh*_ Nick was once again caught up in his thoughts, and usually that wasn’t very good for him because those _bad things_ which haunted his dreams just kept coming back, even more recently than before. It was the job. The outfit. All the mess that happened between the preys and predators. He didn’t let it show, but that almost torn him apart even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself or to _her_. Yeah, sometimes he thought about her, about how outraged he felt after she gave that speech about the DNA crap, and about how relieved and amazed he felt when she came to him admitting she was so wrong she didn’t even know how to redeem herself. Yeah, that was indeed a shit show. Nick shook his head to get back to reality, every second he wasn’t spending on getting ready was going to turn into an extra hour of lecture from Judy.

 After setting his badge straight on his chest, Nick looked himself in the mirror. _‘A fox of the law’_ the thought the unthinkable, as it was years ago and as he knew it since those kids pronounced the voices that would echo through his head until this day, _‘predator’_ , along with a punch to the face. After that, he never actually thought he could be more, that maybe things would change for the better and he wouldn’t be reduced anymore to some distant and unknown selvage past. Well, never thought it until now, until he first saw that bunny as a fierce officer disposed to give her own life and set the world on fire just to get the job done. That, he still hadn’t admitted, gave him back a little piece of the hope that was buried alongside with that scout’s uniform.

  _‘A fox cop’_ he thought as he was leaving his apartment building with a cold half slice of pizza pending from his mouth _‘More like a wolf in sheep’s clothing’_ , the idea was bitter as he was sure his first day would be. He opened the door ahead of him very slowly, jumping into the streets of Zootopia while not prepared to face the people’s looks, almost running to get to the station as soon as possible, to get to her.  


	2. Let it Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No coward soul is mine,   
>  No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere;   
>  I see Heaven's glories shine,   
>  And faith shines equal, arming me from fear"   
>  \- Emily Bronte

The fox ended up getting to the Station soaking wet, Nick’s red fur was all spiky, enough to make Judy stop abruptly while angrily stepping towards him, ready to smash him with complaints, and burst into laughter.

“Yeah, yeah” he shook his head, making it rain all over her ironed uniform and lustrous badge, Judy tap her foot on the floor multiple times and pointed a finger to his face.

“You can’t do that, show up late on your first day of work!” her pointed years just couldn’t descend anymore, they were already threatening to make her hat fall off.

“I’m sorry, I really am” Nick was telling the truth, he didn’t mean to spend all night staring at his ceiling while trying not to think “I didn’t mean to let you down, that won’t happen again, I promise” he thought he’d seen a smile gain life on the corner of her mouth, but she soon turned around and started to roam through the hallway.

“We need to find whoever is archiving the files of our case” there was already an ‘our case’, she was unstoppable, Nick thought to himself.

“I didn’t know we had a case”

“We don’t, they’re trying to file it and let it rot among the unsolved ones” she already had given up on her hat, now she was holding it on her hands while turning her ears in all the directions they could possibly reach “Found it!” she started to race towards the administration sector. Nick was still dripping water from the tempest outside and was now arching to follow her through the hallways full of cops that now gazed at him, finally he managed to get their attention hun? They were turning at each other and talking, Nick could feel the words hitting him from behind his back _‘fox’_ , _‘untrustworthy’_ , _‘felon’_ , he could hear them all in his head, he just didn’t knew if his ears could hear them as well. He couldn’t concentrate on nothing more than this voices, and the next thing he knew was that he was plopped on the floor.

“Look at where you’re going” he heard the gazelle growling.

“I’m sorry” he pulled himself up, it was basically all that he could say on that day, on that life.

“Nick, what is the matter?” her voice got to him as she supported his shoulder so he could get up. His head was spinning, he felt like the room was getting smaller and smaller, compressing his lungs so he couldn’t breathe anymore.

“I have to…” he stumbled by a group of pigs that were laughing at the scene, as soon as he got to the glass door that opened to the not so fresh air of the city, he heard Judy screaming to the pigs behind him and they all apologizing to _her_.

It was cold and rainy outside, but he didn’t care, the wind caressed his red fur and he could feel free. It almost sounded like the streets were singing his name.

“I’m so sorry” her voice got him by surprise, he looked down to the little bunny that stood in front of him, both of them were under a plafond that offered protection from the water drops, but Nick still felt like all the clouds in the world were just above his head, and the look in her eyes evinced that she felt it too. “I pushed it too far, I just thought that things would change after all the…”

“You were wrong” his words came out sharp as a knife and he instantly regret saying them, but she didn’t feel discouraged, instead, she felt more determined to change things so she would never again see that look on his eyes.

“Come, let me show you something” suddenly the rain stopped, and she was halfway into the parking lot when she noticed he wasn’t following her “Come on!” she waved and started jumping towards the avenue. He liked to see her like that, he felt fresh as if he was only a kid again and his dreams were all about being the best boy scout the city had ever had “Don’t make me…” before she was finished, he jumped towards her and brought them both down to the floor in a very tender hug. Nick was still angry, actually the word that best described his state is furious, but he didn’t care, she was now laughing and gingerly punching him in the arm. Now they were both soaking wet from falling on a slop in the middle of that cement forest, they felt happy because they were now on the same boat, nothing was able to get to one of them without getting to both. Life wasn’t perfect, July thought to herself while watching Nick shaking his head in hope that would help him getting dry, but sure it was worth living.

They got to her apartment building by lunchtime, the Sun was starting to show it’s face behind the dark clouds.

“Wanna come in?” she asked, her nose twitching a little while she was trying to hide her excitement, Nick scuffed his head so the voices would shut up; _‘fox on the rabbit’s nest’_ , the worst part was that he knew that wasn’t him, but the stares seemed to know it best, and to scream louder.

“Yes, I do” he took her hand while blushing underneath his fur.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God help me go down this road...


	3. Careless Heart

She didn’t know exactly when the crying started, they had just entered her apartment and she was starting to heat some water for their tea on the microwave when she heard the sobbing coming from behind her. Nick had held those tears for way too long, and this wasn’t the perfect moment to let them out, Judy was staring at him with a hurtful look on her face while he just couldn’t hold that back any longer and bursted into tears sitting on the bed right in front of her. The microwave beeped in warning, but she just stood there, paralyzed. All her life was about helping others, she trainer long and hard to know what to do when someone was endangered, but when it came down to Nick she just felt lost. Maybe she could help him understand that…

“I also had to prove everyone wrong” she unattached her badge from the bulletproof vest and carefully placed it  “I have had wanted really bad to give up more times than I can count or that I can think off without feeling ashamed” she approached him, who rose his head and looked at her with those big tearful green eyes, she felt like she wanted to take him by his shoulders and shake that sadness out of him, while he felt like he wanted to be hugged, tenderly.

“It is easier to have your capacities questioned than to be feared” he rolled his eyes “It’s fine, carrots” that way, and by that nickname, he pushed her away. Judy’s ears rose in anger.

“No way you’re gonna do this” she frowned, fighting to not let her voice show that she was braking down inside from watching him wipe out his tears with his tie “You’re not going to get away with this, you are not gonna shut me out, it seems that, that…” her expression changed dramatically from angry to surprised “… afraid of me”. This far from the Stone Age into the civilization, the power predators had above preys became gradually smaller until there was no leverage, Judy’s jaw dropped when she realized that she had the upper hand on that situation against a fox, a weak and emotionally broken fox, her best friend “But I…” she kept opening and closing her mouth because she has just ran out of words to say, her face was injected with her effervescent blood, she fest _so ashamed_ for everything she made him go through, for that stupid statement about the DNA and for reaching out for that damn fox spray. Judy stretched her paw to hold his and he _flinched_. He was afraid of her, she realized, but she would never… she could never… I mean, she was a prey. But that wasn’t the wilderness anymore, they had evolved and things could not be reduced to a simple matter of strength, the world was now more complex than that, _they_ were more complex than that.

“I know” he forced a smile. Judy forced herself – her legs were about to collapse – to stand up and started typing something on her phone screen, she placed it on the table and let it fill the room with the sound of Careless Hamster, she turned to him with stars in her eyes and invited him for a dance by stretching her paw in his direction. She didn’t know he still shook his head violently on the few times he remembered that press conference and how the air escaped from his lungs when he realized that she, the only person who he thought believed in him, was on the same side of those boy scouts. On that day, after shutting the door close behind him and leaving her to the reporters, he spent days wandering through the streets off that cold, cold city and avoiding approaching any child because he knew their parents would just pull them away from him no matter what he said. She couldn’t have known how she had hurt him, but at the same time she couldn’t have known what it meant to him that she came back writing an apology with her tears.

Nick got on his feet and Judy grabbed him by the waist, pulling him closer _‘time can never mend’_ they enlaced their fingers and started moving around the room _‘the careless whispers of a hamster’_ Nick felt like the anger was slowly fading away as the saxophone played, there seemed, then, that the world was just about them and there were no voices, no glances, no predators, no preys. Nick leaned on her furry ears and closed his eyes while scraping her head with his chin. There was finally peace inside of him. Judy was slowly moving her hips while pulling him closer with a strong hug, not even the noisy neighbors could break the magic of that moment.

“Do you think they are doing _that_?” one of the pictures on her wall trembled.

“Don’t be stupid, leave them alone!” the other one answered, they soon started screaming and Judy giggled with her head leaning on Nick’s chest, he took a step back.

“I never imagined that I would be doing this one day” he whispered while burring his nose deeper into her fur.

“Doing what?”

“Slow dancing with a bunny” both of them laughed and she shoved him in the bed, mounting on him and holding his face in her paws.

“And I never though I would be in love with a fox” she joked, but the room went silent. Nick stared at her in surprise “Common, I know you love me” she tried to break the ice, fearing that she took a step longer than he was comfortable with.  

“Yeah, I do” their noses came together as well as their lips.

Nick lowered the curtains when the light from the billboards started to illuminate the bed where they were seating and sipping black tea from their cups.

“Your turn” he said, passing though her who was waving her feet in the air while laid on the bed, she looked at him with a question mark practically hovering above her head “To tell me your story” he stood by the trashcan to throw away his teabag and gave it a quick glance, seeing the fox spray thrown there among lot’s of fried potato’s empty bags. She didn’t quite understand why he sat by her side and put his arm around her, giving her a big smile.

“Well, I’m not very interesting to…”

“Yes you are” he finished his tea and was now all attention to her words.


	4. Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link for the song suggestion (for the intended effect, please only start it when sinalized on the chapter, <3):  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oI-BsWbIg4 Drive by Halsey

Judy rolled on her back and arched while staring at the dark, she was sweating and her mouth was so dry it hurt to swallow. She was asking herself how did the nightmare end, if she finally escaped the shadows that muzzled her and haunted her down or if she perished, crushed underneath the weight of the buildings that collapsed after her while she raced down the main avenue of Zootopia. Zoo-dystopia, she giggled minding not to wake Nick up, she could feel his warm breathing getting to her skin. Her heart was settling up inside her chest, but those memories just kept emerging from her brain, she remembered her screams died in her throat while dark claws from a shadow-like form clenched around her neck, she remembered jumping on and scratching the mayor’s office door, she somehow knew the lion was hiding in there but no one answered while the shadows were getting closer, painting the city in darkness behind them, she grasped to breathe through the muzzle and realized she was cornered.  
Nick yawned beside her, a sunbeam had broken through the curtains and now crossed his face, his eyes opened in confusion and looked at Judy shamefully after he cleaned the little pool of droll next to his mouth. Judy didn’t look disgusted or embarrassed, so he smiled while asking himself why did she seem so aloof.

“Morning” Nick sat on the bed, but, realizing how cold and grey the day was then, so he quickly returned to the comfort of the blankets, leaving outside just his pair of eyes so he could look at her. Judy’s fur was all messy and her eyes were a little bit buffy but it seemed to him she was the most gracious animal that had ever walked on the earth. After thinking that, he shrunk a little bit more underneath the covers, he felt so weak because he once had told her that people got to her very easily, and took pride in saying that he was no longer like this. Well, it seemed that not anymore, and he didn’t know if it was to feel more ashamed for having lived like this for so long or for having let her in.

“Morning, sunshine” he blinked twice when Judy pulled him out of his deviations, she jumped out of the bed and when she turned around it seemed to her that Nick wasn’t on the same page she was, he was still tucked in the covers, hiding like it was his personal fort “Ooh, Nick…” she suspired, returning to bed and sticking herself in the covers to cover in kisses his nose. Nick laughed and pushed her away.

“You’re stealing my blanket, it’s deadly cold out there”

“No, it isn’t” she was actually sweating “Come out here and see for yourself” she stayed put until he started to unwillingly drag himself out, then she reached for his paw and pulled him closer to her, making him drop the piece of blanket he was still attached to. Nick prepared himself to a gelid feeling to roam through his skin and brain, but, as he was standing by her side, he perceived the room to be suffocatingly hot. Judy let go of his pawn and opened the window and threw open the curtains, letting the sunshine and the fresh morning air in. Nick just stood there, wondering why he was feeling so frosty before.  
Watching him standing there, Judy thought things could not be more perfect, she had achieved her dream job, the city was safer than never under ZPD jurisdiction, and he was there, giving her a shot, giving that whole city a shot even after being so beaten up. To that little rabbit who worked her ass off to escape a destiny she didn’t want no part in, witnessing that thigs could change filler her with pleasure. But besides that kind of pleasure, she felt something else when looking at him. She jumped towards him and they both went down, since it seemed that falling together was their favorite hobby then, and she curled herself on his chest, sticking her body under his. Nick looked at her, half surprised, half thankful, he sat on top of her, retracted his claws, that had stick out because of the shock of falling, and caressed her face with his fingers. Judy closed her eyes and pressed her fur against his.

“Take this…” she stretched her arm to reach his tie, which was laying on the floor next to his shirt, close to them. Judy handed him the green tie, he bowed his head, confused

“Tie my paws”

“W-What?” he shook his head “No, no way, I’m not going to…” he drew back.

“You’re not going to hurt me, I know”

“This wasn’t what I…”

“Nick, stop” she grabbed his arms carefully “I need you to know I trust you with everything, and after you find yourself in a position in which you can hurt someone else you care about and see that not for an instant the idea of hurting me goes through your head, you will understand that I would never do the same to you, never” now she was just staring him with her big purple eyes “… and maybe you will let me get to you”

“But I – But I… People were afraid of me all my life, I was always a threat to them and yet I never intended to… Carrots, you’re just doing to me what everyone else did” he was barely moving, his eyebrows were raised and he was still staring at her from above.

“No, I’m not” she pulled the tie closer “Because you didn’t care about them the way to care about me and because I’m not afraid. I’m giving you the power because I want you to understand that it’s not because someone is vulnerable that you’ll hurt them” her ears lowered “That I’ll not hurt you”. Nick’s mouth was stuck open, his mind was running wild like the lights of the city at night. He let out a long sigh, not because he didn’t want to do this, she was right on her every word, but because he needed to let go of all the fear that filled his lungs. He took the tie from her pawn and gave it a prolonged stare. Nick then secured her paws together and enlaced them with the piece of cloth while kissing and licking her neck. Judy pulled his waist closer with her legs and nothing else mattered to them, nothing that had happened or that would happen in the future. To him, everything started to seem possible in the moment she set foot on that city, to her, it was since the moment their eyes first met. Judy arched her back and reached his ears with her nibbling, Nick wrapped her shoulders in his arms while holding her tied paws above her head, he listened carefully her heartbeats when he started biting her neck softly, there was no change, her smile only grew bigger. They let their bodies spread on the warm floor, leaving a trail of sweat behind.

(One hour of cuddling)

“Let’s go for a ride” Judy said while laid on the floor, she disentangled her paws that were being held together with his tail, Nick followed her down the stairwell while still putting his shirt on.

“Yes, yes! I knew they did it!” the nosy neighbor quickly closed his door from which he was peeking on the hallway. Nick rolled his eyes, they couldn’t possibly understand what just happened, neither did him, he just knew it would change him forever.

\------------------------------------------ Song Suggestion for the scene, Drive by Halsey ---------------------------------------  
“Oh no, we’re not doing this, we’re gonna get caught” Nick was mumbling while Judy tried to penetrate the inside of Finnick’s truck by a gap on the window “He’s going to kill me” he waved his paws imitating the moviment Finnick would do to smash his head with his bat. 

“He’s not going to notice, he’s out today, working for Mister Big” she finally fell on the bench, and opened the doors from inside “Get in”

“What do you mean? How do you know this?” he sat next to her and closed the door, her face went numb.

“Okay, okay, he let me have it for today, it looks like he likes me” she got the keys from under the pedal “You just ruined all the excitement” she started the van, a loud Emi-hen rap started to beat and got them both startled “Oops, sorry”

She accelerated all she could within the velocity limits until they reached the city limits. Nick kept his head down all the way they were wandering through the city’s streets, so Judy hit the pedal and entered a tunnel that got them out of there, glancing at him while perceiving that he was gradually feeling more comfortable the faster and the further from Zootopia they went. She made a silent promise to herself while watching Nick open the window and let his fur balance in the wind, that she would one day make himself feel at home there. The mountains that surrounded the road refreshed the air, he could feel free from the stares and from the muzzles, admitting to himself that he was only trapped to something that he was pride of being, her. While Judy drew curves on the cement, Nick took the chance the balancing van gave him and started leaning to give a kiss on Judy’s cheek when she turned the wheel right and weighed his head outside the window when she turned it left.

“Congratulations Judy” it was the first time he called her by her name “I feel free” they exchanged stares with teary eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, how to begin...  
> I'm ashamed and proud of what I am doing :D (Best feeling)  
> Also, english is not my mother language, so I'm sorry if there were/are going to be some mistakes, I accept suggestions to improve my writing, critics and also, of course, kudos :D
> 
> Thank you very much for reading, I hope you are liking it!  
> The chapters are short to keep the updates flowing, I'm sorry :( but if I didn't do it this way I would be, like, posting a bible every three months like I usually do.


End file.
